Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Love and Inspiration

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.  The inspiration is flying across the web like a flock of mosquitoes on a dark and hot summers night near a street light by the lake.  Yikes!  This is a beautiful thing.  I was inspired to get my blog together because of my friend JB.  Then, I inspired my girl Brenda and, I think, Valentine.  Nicole is talking about it.  Who else?  Apparently, we all have something to say.  And, apparently, we all want to hear it.  I'm glad.

There is, however, a heavy common theme today.  LOVE.  There are first loves, new loves, Paris loves, Minnesota loves, California loves, old loves, wouldn't-know-true-love-if-it-hit-'em-in-the-face loves.  Everyone is talking about it.  Not enough of us are succeeding at it.

I remember my first true love.  And, like the post from my man JB, I was also fourteen.  It just so happens that this was the guy who also took my virginity.  Insert stupid precedent for sex equals love here.  It followed me...I'm sorry...This precedent haunted me through most every relationship since.  Don't get me wrong.  Attraction is key to getting a relationship going but it doesn't a relationship make.

I think if you are clear on your expectations then it will help to guide you along the way.  If you go into something knowing that the intimacy is all that you are looking for then you have less of a chance of getting hurt.  But if you go into it thinking that this could be the perfect person then you only set yourself up for failure.  Enjoy yourself.  Have fun getting to know that person.  And if something springs up along the way then cool beans.  If it doesn't then it won't be as difficult to simply move on.  Next!

I think there are a lot of people, however, who are truly looking for that "perfect" person to fit into their world.  This is where you go wrong.  There needs to be compromise.  There needs to be openness to the possibilities.  It is difficult enough to find someone compatible enough to be able to stand one another on a regular basis without putting stipulations on their being.  Let's face it.  You're not perfect, are you?  It's a good idea to have a general notion of the type of qualities you find distasteful in a person you would consider for a relationship.  But to have a laundry list of requirements is unrealistic.  I'll say this again.  Be open to the possibilities.  Do NOT consider it settling if that quirky little nerd actually floats your boat.  Forget what everybody else thinks and go with what feels right to you.  Give somebody a chance.  Be their friend for at least a minute and you just might discover the love of your life lurking in there.  If you give somebody the once over and decide they don't make your "Must Have" list of requirements, you both lose.  You lose the opportunity of the possibilities unknown to you and they lose the chance to be with someone so neurotic as you.  Good for them.  Bad for you.

If you are the type of person who is forever wondering when they will meet that perfect mate and is forever looking forward to that moment, then put the dang list away.  Stop with the requirements already - must be this tall, must be this age, must be this educated, must have this hair color and must love my propensity for sitting home and picking my toes on Friday nights.  Enough already!  Put the list in your pocket, or, better yet, in the trash, and simply enjoy the ride.  Also, stop putting the perfection pressure on yourself too - once I've done this, once I've made this much money, once I've lost this much weight.  Just be yourself - pure, honest, unbridled you.  If you're lucky, right at that very moment that you throw away the list (yours and theirs) and officially stop looking for that ideal - right at that exact moment - you just might have one of those world stopping moments when you meet the love of your life, delivered right there at your feet, in the most unexpected package.

I did.


  1. What is one to do when we had that love at our feet already? When we didnt have any expectations, when things were so perfect because we loved each other unconditionally? What is to happen when one person of that relationship ruins things? She the other party attempt to stay with that person? Should a reconciliation be made? That first Love never dies; you and i both know this. So what is one to do: move on or hold on to the bitter end?

    This is my question... the question that keeps haunting me because I am not sure what is the best thing to do. Im not asking for an answer cuz it is impossible for anyone to tell me what to do, only I can make the the right decision. Chances are that any decision I make is the right one because things happen for reasons unknown... regardless.. i dont even know myself at this point.

  2. how do you exist in love? by that i mean, once you have determined that you are truly in love with someone how do you continue to be the person that you are?

    often i find it hard to be my normal quirky self with my entourage of friends and habits and responsibilities WHILE also being a good companion that provides him with the attention that he needs AND not be an attention whore.

    it is such a hard balance and at times i find myself being so consumed by his love and so into the love shindigg that i feel like i lose myself ... ???

  3. I've been that girl. And, I'm not that girl anymore. I think it is a combination of a couple things. First, it is being lucky enough to have found a man who likes me for my quirky little weird me self. I do not have to mask when I am with him. Second, it is having come through enough relationships to instinctively know how to walk that line between being me and giving of me...without losing myself. If he loves you for you then he won't let you get lost. He will push back in the right direction and love you all the same.